I Surrender, I'm powerless over everything and everybody. I have to remember that fact constantly. The minute I try to enforce my will on any person or situation everything goes sideways for me. I can no more control what anyone else does than I can control the weather. It is crucial that I turn my life over to my higher power 100% or I will surely die behind my disease. In fact even in sobriety if I try to control people or situations I can get just as crazy and sick as if I were drinking, probably more so because I can’t numb out my thoughts and feelings. There are still people in my life that would like to see me remain sick. It gives them power over me, but I have to remember they’re sick too. It tells me in the very first reading we read at every meeting “How it works” that there is One who has all power- that one is God may I find him now. So I have to seek God daily, not just in the morning or the evening but, constantly throughout my day. He’s the only one I’m convinced can save me from those individuals but, more importantly from myself. If I’ll remember that I am only responsible for 4 things in my life, what I say, what I do, what I think, and what I feel and I’ll completely rely on God’s guidance in those 4 areas. I can get out of my own way and better adhere to God’s will for me. It’s “Thy will be done” not “my will be done”. They say in this program “It takes what it takes” and that’s certainly been the experience I’ve had thus far but, the good news is I don’t have to keep making all these mistakes myself. I have a good friend who says "It's never a good idea to make your own mistakes, learn from the mistakes of others instead". If I’ll go to meetings and listen, read the big book and continue to seek guidance from my sponsor there is a solution to all my problems today. It usually includes acceptance, gratitude and forgiveness. I’ll keep praying for help from my higher power in all aspects of my life and remember “It is, what it is”. I don’t control it and it’s usually none of my business. All I know is I didn’t drink today, or even think about drinking and that’s nothing short of a miracle to me. My last days of drinking, I couldn’t imagine my life with alcohol or without it, I was doomed (just like the book says). I was defeated, down for the count, out! Who knew all I had to do was to surrender, that’s another one of those paradoxes of AA, I have to surrender to win. Well, I surrendered this morning and I didn’t drink today, I think I’ll try surrendering again tomorrow too!


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