Updated: Jun 12
Fear: an unpleasant emotion caused by the belief that someone or something is dangerous, likely to cause pain, or a threat.
Fear is something I have been dealing with since childhood, all of us have. As a matter of fact I was so consumed with fear that I didn't even realize it. I compensated for my fear much like others do, by hiding from it and not talking about it. If I could keep from it, I would never face it. Turns out most of my fears where of my own making. Much like all of my problems today! My active addiction lasted for 24 years because, I was so scared I couldn't bring myself to face it. In fact at the very end of my last spree my only two options were to go on to the bitter end or face this beast. Much to my dismay my fear of getting sober was greater than that of dying. Imagine that, I was trying to rationalize which was worst death or sobriety. A lunacy commission should surely have been appointed. I actually feared being sober! Why not, I hadn't been sober more than a few days in the last 24 years. The abnormal was my normal, I was a drunk. Turns out I stayed drunk because, I was fearful of everything. Drinking for the sickest reason of all Total Oblivion.
Today by the grace and mercy of God I found my way back to the rooms and I'm starting down a path to long term sobriety. It's a funny thing all the wreckage of the past is still there but, not once since my sobriety date have I woke up and wondered how I got home or whom did I owe an apology. I'm still fearful today but, my fears are more rational fears like the COVID-19. It's a beautiful thing, I'm thinking I'll do it again tomorrow.
Big Book How It Works, p.68
At once, we commence to outgrow fear